i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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