I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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