Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize