i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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