I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
