I wanna bring you to show and tell
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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