one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
