You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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