Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she smelled like a LAN party
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
