My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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