now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
