A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
