apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
