So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
