anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize