i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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