How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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