Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
