I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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