She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
