I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize