Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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