I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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