Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
