3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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