why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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