there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
