my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize