And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
