no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
