He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
