Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
