drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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