Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
