Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
