Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize