yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you had me at cake vodka
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
