I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
