ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
