he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I came so hard my ears popped.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
