i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
