She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
