i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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