You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you would pick up someone in the library
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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