I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
