nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
