take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
