Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
