tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
