I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need moral support for this bender
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
