I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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