Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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