Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
