I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
