Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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