Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
