Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
