When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
