so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
