didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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