I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
