she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
