Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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