can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
