did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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