i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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