She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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