Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance

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(205): View more from Alabama

The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty

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(404): View more from Georgia

Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night

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(559): View more from California

there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.

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(813): View more from Florida

no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?

(651): View more from Minnesota

Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better

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(573): View more from Missouri

You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.

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