I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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