he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
