Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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