operation have a gay friend backfired
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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