The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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