i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
