Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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