I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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