If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
