tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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