I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
