He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize