Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize