he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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